One of Those Days

I pride myself on being a glass-is-half-full kind of gal.  Ask anyone who knows me...I'd much rather be positive than negative any day of the week.

But sometimes you just can't help it.

I'm having one of those days.  My beautiful, wonderful, sweet little girl is pushing back - hard - against all of her therapies now.  Yes, I understand she's a two-year-old with her own mind and, therefore, her own ideas of what she should and should not have to do.

It's just frustrating that she can't communicate those ideas to me. 

Sure, she can tell me when she's hungry by presenting me with a bowl.  She indicates thirst by handing me a cup.  She hands me her blanket when she wants to swing in it.  She grabs my hand and drags me, incessantly, toward the door because she wants to leave.  Where does she want to go?  I have no clue.  But it's one of the cutest things I've ever seen.

I love these things, these little ways she's found to communicate certain desires to us.  I just wish there was a way to break through the barrier...I have language and she doesn't.

Speaking?  Sorry, not in the cards.

Signing?  Nope.  She doesn't want anything to do with it. 

Photos?  She doesn't seem to grasp the concept.

Pictures (drawings)?  Not even close.

Most days this is no big deal to me and I'm more than happy to just be with my little girl and play detective.  It's a constant investigation, trying to figure out what it is that she wants or needs, and quite often it ends badly.  I can't help it.  As much as I wish I was a mind reader, I'm just not.

She hasn't gone potty in the toilet in days.

I'm just frustrated.  I would never change anything about The Princess...she is who she is, and to change any little part of her would make her, well, just not "her" anymore.

But I have no idea what it feels like to be a regular parent, if there is such a thing.  I don't know what it feels like to say something to my child and for her to look back at me with comprehension, let alone to formulate a response. 

My daughter can't even call me Mommy, Mama, Ma...the connection is just not there.  She can't answer a simple yes/no question with a nod or a shake of the head.  She can't sit still and smile for the camera. 

If you're in a situation like mine, you know what this is all about.  You just can't help it.  Someone shares a story or pictures of their little one, who is around the age of yours, doing things you couldn't possibly dream of your child doing.  Or a friend or family member with a younger child shares something similar...something your kid can't possibly begin to even think about doing, even though they're much older.  You're happy for that person, but you start to feel sad.

Sad for yourself, sure.  But it's more than that.  Look past the mask of self-pity, and you'll see a gut-wrenching fear for the child.  What's their life going to be like when you're not in the room with them?  How are other people going to treat them?  How in the world are you going to protect them from all of the ignorant people out there that simply don't know any better than to pick on these kids?

These days come from time to time, and nothing makes me happier than when that feeling goes away.  I'm going to go play with my little girl, and try to get back on track.