I Wanna Go...

A few weeks ago my in-laws asked if they could take The Princess with them up to the family's cottage in Minong (near Hayward, WI).  We said sure, and decided on the first weekend in October.  It seemed so far away at the time, and somehow it's managed to sneak up on me...they're picking her up tomorrow afternoon.  How'd that happen?

Tonight was spent going through The Princess's fall/winter clothes in an attempt to get her ready for this trip.  Apparently it was in the 20's this morning at the cottage.  I only pray that they don't bundle her up in every warm article of clothing I send...this kid is like her momma in that her sass is directly related to her body temperature.  She gets hot, she gets cranky.  And God help you when she's overheating...she'll make you rue the day you were born.

So here I am attempting to pack for a long weekend 6 hours away, for which I will not be accompanying her.  I can't possibly pack all I would bring for her if I was going...Nana, Grampy, Jenn, K and The Princess will all be riding together in a Dodge Intrepid.  Not exactly known for cargo space, especially with 5 people...two of whom are going to be in bulky car seats as it is.

I have to say I'm bummed about losing this weekend with my kiddo.  Sometimes it seems like the only real time I get to spend with her is on the weekends, and the selfish part of me doesn't want her to go.

This is also the last weekend J and K will be around before they move to Ohio.  I know we don't see each other that often, but I had kind of hoped we'd be able to work it out so The Hubbs and I would be able to join everyone up there.  In the 5 years I've been around this family, I've only ever been to the cottage once.  The Princess was 6 weeks old at the time, and we ended up cutting our trip short because it was nerve-wracking to have so many people around all the time and nowhere to escape.  I'd like to give it another shot, because it really is beautiful up there...and I know Grandma and Grandpa Nygaard have been not-so-subtly hinting that they would like us to join them up there for, oh, 2 and a half years.

I hope our little monster doesn't give them too hard a time.  Should be interesting...wish me luck!

Kitchen Fun

Yesterday we headed out to Woodstock to do a little light shopping for the kitchen while the rest of the world worked.  We found a backsplash we love (but probably will be putting off as long as possible or substituting something else for because even though I found it at about 1/2 price online it's still more than we want to pay...) and a couple of other possibilities. I've been searching online for lighting and new hardware, and have found some wonderful deals I'm really happy with.

So far we've decided on a light mocha color on the walls, above bright white beadboard wainscoting with a chair rail. The ceiling fan will be replaced, and the outdated light fixtures above the sink will be changed out for beautiful traditional pendant lights. The cabinets will be refinished and outfitted with new hardware. The counter will be completely reinvented with a concrete epoxy product that can be tinted to go with the rest of the colors.  I've picked out the new faucet, which will match the one I've just installed in the bathroom. The backsplash is up in the air...I'm thinking we'll end up going with the first (and much cheaper -- about 10% of the cost) option of beadboard painted a coordinating color. There's still the possibility, though, that we may spring for the glass mosaic tile backsplash...

This is similar to what we're planning to do with the beadboard wainscoting, though we're undecided on the chair rail at the moment.  Also, pay no attention to the paint color on the top...ours will be mocha.  The baseboards will be simple 1x4" pine, painted white to match the wainscoting, and the door/window trim will be changed out to match.  This will eventually be done throughout the entire house:

Here's one of the possibilities for the new ceiling fan:

And the pendant lights, with which I've fallen irrevocably in love...there will be two of these in the front window, one above each side of the corner sink:

New hardware for the cabinets, after they're refaced:

The new faucet:

And the controversial backsplash:

It's really beautiful, and fits in with the palette we're planning to use.  We originally found this at a tile store in Woodstock yesterday for $18.51 a square foot.  I came home and found it online for $11.99 a square foot -- bonus!  Looks like we're going to need about 27 square feet, including a little extra so we're certain we have enough tiles, so this works out to $323.73 plus shipping.

Not bad, when compared to other tiles...or the in-store price for this particular tile.

But I can't help thinking about saving that extra scratch.  I had originally thought I'd like a beadboard backsplash to give it more of a country cottage feel, and I keep going back to that.  The tile is really beautiful, but we'll see how things pan out.

Here's an example of a kitchen I found on Google with beadboard wainscoting for the backsplash...not my color palette, but it gives you a pretty good idea what I'm talking about:

Either way, you can be sure I'll get this done as frugally as possible.  Everything I've found so far in the pics above is at about 1/2 price compared to what I'd pay in stores...

After preliminary pricing, it looks like I have the ability to have my entire kitchen redone - labor included - for $1500 (with beadboard backsplash) or $2000 (with glass mosaic tile backsplash).

Stay tuned for updates!

I'm beginning to understand how Jewish people must think of Christmas.

Ahhh...gotta love a long weekend.

No, I'm not Jewish.  But the family who owns the company where I work is, and that's good enough for me.  Our office was closed yesterday for Yom Kippur, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite holidays.  You see, I get the day off but no one else does.  I don't have any prior engagements, seeing as how my family is Christian.  I'm beginning to understand how Jewish people must think of Christmas.  It's like a free day all to myself, when everyone else is busy with their own thing...so it's nothing like a weekend or national holiday at all.

T came up to visit again this weekend...thank goodness for her ability to keep coming out here, otherwise we'd never see each other anymore!  I'm sad to report she's been living in the Big Bad City for almost 5 months now and I've only seen her place via Facebook.  I'm not good at traversing the city so I like to take public transportation.  The only problem with that is lugging The Princess, her stroller and - yes - her car seat on the train and then in a cab to get wherever we're going.  Hence the fact that my daughter has yet to visit the city of Chicago.

Anyhoo, this was the much-anticipated Belushi tribute weekend at the McHenry Outdoor Theater, featuring Blues Brothers and Animal House.  T and I went with Neighbor Man, his bro and his son, and it was great fun.  Unfortunately it got too stinkin' cold before the end of Animal House, and we decided to save ourselves by leaving early and starting a bonfire in the back yard.

Ooh...did I mention I got to drive T's Mustang?  Yeah.  I needs me one of those.  Taking donations, if anyone's interested...lol

I dropped around 2:00 again, unable to make it any longer.  The Hubbs, T and I went to Manny's for breakfast on Sunday morning before she took off for home and I headed over to the Grumparents' house to pick up the princess before the Bears game.  (Go Bears!!)

Yesterday was spent making very important kitchen-related decisions...more on that later.  :)

Jumping In With Both Feet

I have started to seriously think about blogging every day this week, but somehow I always get sidetracked. I don’t understand how…what with being away from home 12+ hours a day and trying to spend every possible moment with The Princess, I should have all the time in the world, right?

So here I sit, rotting in my cube on a beautiful Friday when I could be at home playing with The Princess or shoppin’ with Super-Bro (more on that later). And why? Because my honest little butt got out of bed this morning and commuted all the way down here for the day, and I have no other choice. No car, too far from home for The Hubbs to come get me…looks like I’m in for the long haul.

Eh…nothing we haven’t all dealt with before.

I’ll try to make this as quick and thorough as I can, considering the fact that this is my break. :)

Most recently I showed y’all what a fabulous job my big brother did on our kitchen floor. I’m happy, and a little scared, to say that this has sparked a fire the likes of which our house has never seen before. We’ve decided to jump in with both feet and remodel the entire kitchen.

*Pause for dramatic effect*

That’s right, folks, we’re starting from the top and working our way down. Hambone came over yesterday and painted the ceiling (buh-bye, semi-gloss…hello beautiful!), and we’ll be painting the walls, refacing the cabinets, replacing the lighting (and maybe adding some), adding a backsplash, refinishing the counters and adding wainscoting and new trim. Nothin’ big…just a total overhaul.

This is the main reason I’m restless at the office today…Hambone and I are going to be going shopping for backsplash tile, wainscoting and lighting as soon as we both have the time, and I’m dying to go!

We’ll try to be good little donkeys and take lots of pictures during the project so y’all can see what we manage to accomplish. Wish us luck!

A Beautiful Evening With My Brother

Ahhh...first time out on the water with Super-Bro this year.  The weather was spectacular as we headed out to troll for walleye this evening on Pistakee.

And the Super-Bro was in rare form...

It's been too damned long since I just hung out with my bro on a boat.  I hereby proclaim that this is only the beginning.

We trolled around Half Moon Island, then moved over to Eagle Point where I picked up a defiant fat-ass bluegill.  Nothin' doin', so we ran on across the bay past Coon Island to try our luck in front of Mom and Dad's neighborhood pier.

A couple of baby perch later, and it was starting to get too dark to do much.  At least I got some good pics while hangin' out with my bro.

Good times.

A Year and a Half, Two Sick Days, and a Whole Lot of Procrastination

I'm so excited

And I just can't hide it

I'm about to lose control

And I think I like it...

Cheesy, I know.  But you have no idea how good it feels to have this done!!  The Hubbs and I bought the materials probably a year and a half ago, and I took a couple of days off work to get the job done.  Wouldn'tcha know it...we both got sick as dogs that weekend and didn't even have the strength to get up and make tea, let alone lay a new floor in the kitchen.

So it sat.

And sat.

The boxes became something of a permanent fixture in my garage.  We'd look at them once every couple of months and say, "Oh yeah, we should do that"...only to bury the materials once again.  Out of sight, out of mind.

Enter Hambone, my own personal super-handyman...I'm calling him Super-Bro these days.  Work started on Sunday (see post from 9/20 for prior photos) and The Hubbs was kind enough to take these for me while I was at work yesterday so we could document the progress.

After the first couple of rows went in yesterday...on Sunday he made it just past the door frame:

(Click here for theme music)...it's Super-Bro!!

The old flooring looks worse than I ever would have thought possible next to the new wood laminate.

A slight detour to The Princess's dump...I mean room...where the same flooring is carefully displayed beneath Mount Toddler:

The blurry beast herself, protecting her mound of toys:

Don't mess with this one, folks...she can turn you into a blubbering imbecile with a simple flick of the Pull-Up.

Kiddo playing in the dark for some reason...this cracks me up because it was the middle of the day and her curtains were drawn.  Makes her room seem very dungeon-y.

Whatcha doin', Daddy?  Shouldn't you be flashing that thing at Uncle Hambone in the kitchen?  Out with you!  This is my domain!!

Nearing the finish line.  Note the harvest gold laminate countertop...that's going to be one of the next things to go!

Classic The Princess shot, finishing up the last corner:

A minor tweak...

And it's done! *Hallelujah Chorus*  This shot is from the living room doorway:

View from the sink/dishwasher corner:

Another short detour to The Princess's room while the kitchen is restocked.  Mount Toddler has been leveled, and the whole room has been rearranged.  When I got home from work I decided it was time to finally go through her enormous collection of toys and pare it down to what she actually plays with.  Everything else is currently residing happily in our real dungeon (the basement), so The Princess's domain can become a happy kids' room again.

Okay, I admit it...these pictures are being posted so I can prove - once and for all - that The Princess's room has been clean at least once since the day she was born!

I absolutely adore this little table and chairs set, even if it is almost unrecognizable under all of those brightly colored toys.  :)

Back to business...here's the view from the garage entry door after putting the furniture back in:

And back to the living room, leaning into the doorway:

One last view from the sink (note the Botches -- Cabbage Patch Kids -- in the high chair):

And there you have it, folks!  Only took a year and a half, two sick days and a whole lot of procrastination to convince me to just hire Super-Bro and get it over with.  That'll teach me for the next time...no hemmin' and hawin' for this cowgirl...my big brother's on speed dial.

Look At My Feet!

More often than not, it's the little things in life that make me irrationally happy. Things like showing up at work with bright yellow toenails, showing them to my coworker, and having her look at them and say, "Ooh, you should totally put smiley faces on your big toes!"

Presenting...my happy feet (designed by Betty, painted and drawn by yours truly)!!

FINALLY!

Finally it's happened to me
Right in front of my face
My feelin's can't describe it

Finally it's happened to me
Right in front of my face
And I just cannot hide it...


K, so I've had the flooring for the kitchen for something disgusting, like, over a year. I took a long weekend last summer/fall (can't remember which) so we could knock this project out, and we both ended up getting sick. The flooring has been sitting in the garage collecting dust ever since.

Enter Hambone , my handy savior. He started working on the floor today, and it will most likely be done tomorrow. It's absolutely gorgeous, and I can't believe we put it off for this long.

Here's Sookie surveying the progress:


Three generations of flooring in my kitchen. Newest is on the left, oldest (check out that beautiful harvest gold!) in the center, and the middle child is on the right.

Here's a shot of the (currently empty...can't really move a full one, ya know) china cabinet on the finished section:

I just can't wait for this project to be done. It looks soooo good so far and I'm irrationally excited to see the finished product. :D

The Return of Neck Beard, the One-Eyed Pirate

Don'tcha just love those days where everything kind of falls into place without any special effort on your part? Yesterday was like that for us.

A couple of weeks ago we ended up driving somewhere (though I can't, for the life of me, figure out where we were going) and passing the apple orchard on the way. Since then I've been really jonesing for some apple donuts and fresh cider.

Yesterday morning we headed out to All Season in Woodstock with The Princess in tow...complete with the monkey backpack/toddler leash for maximum fun (anything that means she doesn't need to ride in the stroller is a big win in her eyes). After we got there we decided not to do the picking thing...just bummed around the shop and got a little bit of lunch before heading out of there with our apples and assorted yumyums.

Hambone and D's house is on the way home from the orchard, so we stopped in for a visit. D has decided to quit smoking for the first time in her life, and is having a hard time dealing with it. I'm proud of her, though...it is not an easy thing and she's been smoke-free for a few days now.

While we were there, D called The Hubbs on his cell. Turns out he had just gotten off a plane from Tampa and didn't feel like going home, so he decided he'd head up by us.

Which reminded me...we were supposed to meet JAK for a fancy Wendy's dinner that evening. We called J and switched plans around so that they came over to our house for a visit instead.

For an impromptu barbecue, I think we did pretty well. I made that salsa-cream-cheese dip that JoAnn got me hooked on, which would have been enough on its own if you ask me. :) But there were also burgers and hot dogs, salad and random chippy-type thingamabobs. The Princess happily showed off her new dunkin' skills while hogging the dip...just like her momma would. I guess I'm rubbin' off on her after all!

K is an amazing little girl. It kills me every time I see her, how much bigger she is and all of the new things she's doing. It's easy to get caught up in your own kid and what she's doing every day...but other people's kids are total reality checks. It never seems like that much time goes by between visits, but it sure shows in the kids' looks and new skills/activities.

The Princess turned into a pumpkin first. Funny story, actually...J had the audacity to leave K with me for a minute so she could pee (I know, the nerve of that gal!!) and K wanted none of it. She crawled over to the bathroom door and keened for her mommy with such a pathetic look on her face that I just had to pick her up.

I walked her back into The Princess's room, where we had all been playing, and she let out a plaintive wail. Which sent The Princess into hysterics. It was actually very funny.

K practically launched herself at her mommy as soon as the bathroom door opened, and The Princess was climbing my leg like a cat. I tromped out into the living room with my howling toddler, flipping her upside-down to give Spider-Baby kisses to her daddy, aunt and uncles. I plopped her in bed, where she immediately clutched onto Dirt Pink (her blankie, for those of you who are not "in the know"), rolled over and stuck her thumb in her mouth. I do believe she was snoring before I shut the door.

Not long after that, K let us know in no uncertain terms that she wanted her George and it was time to go home.

After JAK left it was just The Hubbs, D and me for a while. I put in Death Proof and snuggled into the couch, half-watching the movie and half-listening to the conversation...which, by the way, gets exponentially more Twilight-Zone-ish with every alcoholic beverage that is consumed.

Hambone popped by after our friend's surprise birthday party to hang out for a bit. I think this was in the neighborhood of 9:00, and D had had all he could takes and he couldn't takes no more. Let's put it this way...he actually morphed into Neck Beard the One-Eyed Pirate for a while there. Covering his left eye with a hand, scrunching up his face, yelling AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!! while thrusting his Corona bottle into the air. Good times!

Poor guy woke up early in the morning in Florida, traveled home to Illinois, had some lunch and came up to our house. He hasn't seen his townhouse in about a week and it was starting to take its toll by this point. The Hubbs got him set up on the futon and came back upstairs to join Hambone and me in front of the Tarantino fest.

Which, by the way, my brother had yet to see. I know, how could I have allowed that to happen?

So I ended up staying up until 11:00 to watch the rest of the movie with my hubbs and my big bro before hitting the hay. All in all, a very good day.

Off Like A Prom Dress

Well, hey, y'all!

I've made some modifications to my page that will hopefully make this little bloggity piece of my world easier for you folks to navigate. You no longer need to type in those blasted word verifications to leave a comment, and I've added a tool where you can click to leave a quick reaction to each blog. Let me know what you think!

Anyhoo, I'm just kinda pluggin' along here as usual...and am very glad it's Friday. This gal needs a weekend!

Since I'm typing this from my desk at work on my morning break, I don't want to take up too much time or put anything too interesting...wouldn't want Big Brother claiming my unbelievable wittiness is now his property since it was typed on this computer (for those of you who can't see me right now, I'm shaking my fist with feeling).

So, I'm off like a prom dress. Catch y'all on the flip side!

A Whole New Kind Of Stupid

This weekend was a blast!

On Saturday, The Hubbs' parents and grandparents brought our niece up for a visit while J and Adam searched Dayton for their new apartment. We hung out for hours and actually got some honest-to-goodness visitin' in. Totally nice to have a small group. :)

On Sunday, my folks popped over for pot roast and brownies (and the Bears game, but we all gave up on that by about halftime). All in all, quite a good two-day period.

However...

My sweet little angel did not go to bed until 2:00 this morning. That's right. There's a 2:00 in the AM even when you haven't been drinking. Who'da thunk it?

My poor, defenseless alarm clock didn't stand a chance at 5:00 this morning. Somehow I managed to refrain from chucking it against the wall, thus breaking into a million (hopefully silent) little pieces.

I'm happy to report I made it out of the house, parked the car at the train station, paid for my parking spot and executed a running, flying leap into the train as the doors were closing. Not my most graceful morning, but I made it.

I'm not just tired...I think I've discovered a whole new kind of stupid brought on by lack of sleep. Hats off to the parents whose children put them through this mind-numbing hell every day. Y'all deserve a medal or something...or at least a week away at a soundproofed room to catch up on your sleep.

They Will Always Remember How You Made Them Feel

I normally don't forward email messages...in fact, if I'm being perfectly honest there are many times where I ignore the forwarded messages completely. Today was one of those days when I decided to just go ahead and read them, and I'm glad I did. Truth or fiction, this cabbie's story is a touching one, and I would love to share it with all of you.

I arrived at the address where someone had requested a taxi. I honked but no one came out. I honked again, nothing. So I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, and then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'..

'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice'. I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing. As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said.

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded. Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.' I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life..

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one. PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

Slurping Yogurt and Plotting My Escape

Here I sit in my cube at work, slurping yogurt and plotting my escape. Lunch time sure is different when you finish your book during the train ride to work, and you've forgotten to bring a new one to start.

So far I've been unable to come up with any brilliant schemes to get my butt back home before the official end of the day, so it looks like the joke's on me. I'll just have to suck it up for another three hours before the glorious weekend finally begins. :)

This one should be a little more low-key than last week, seeing as how T and Neighbor Man won't be around. Not that I'm complaining!! I had a blast hanging out last weekend, and wouldn't trade it for the world. Honestly, I can't remember another weekend as perfect as this Labor Day.

The Hubbs' grandparents have been planning to come up tomorrow, and we're looking forward to the visit. Turns out his folks will be coming too along with K Bear while her p's head to Ohio to look for an apartment. Should be great fun - K and The Princess are always a hoot to watch together.

I really can't wait to get outta here today...that taco pizza is calling my name! Wish me luck...2 hours, 56 minutes to go. :)

'Chupping One's Fries, Playing Woof, and the Discovery of the Fried Twinkie

Funny, I could swear I just posted something yesterday...but then I find myself coming to the realization that tomorrow is Friday. Again. This past week has flown by at lightning speed...lemme get y'all caught up with what's going on out here in paradise.

Friday of last week started out a little sour...I woke up with such a twang in my shoulder that I couldn't raise my left arm over my heart without searing pain. I had noticed a faint pop when I was playing with The Princess the night before, but hadn't thought any more of it. Apparently I pinched a nerve. No worries, though...since it was a short day at work I couldn't take the train (they don't run in the middle of the day right now due to track construction), and with my arm like that I could hardly drive the 40+ miles to the office. My only choice was to work from home. I know...poor me!

After work we went out to play and had some Culver's for a late lunch/early dinner...let's call it Dunch. So, we're out to Dunch and The Princess is hogging all of the French fries. She gets this look on her face when Daddy dunks one in the ketchup before sticking it in her pie-hole, and watches intently as he dunks another. That did it. The next 15 minutes were nothing but The Princess dunking and chewing, dunking and chewing...so proud of herself for learning the important procedure of properly 'chupping one's fries before wolfing them down.

On Saturday, my bestest bud came up to visit. She set up her tent in the back yard and we had a BBQ followed by a gigantic bonfire. Her wonderful man stopped over with his kids in tow...luckily TJ is a bit of a pyro (in a good way, really!). This meant that we had a willing 15-yr-old who would happily run back and forth between the pile of dried out bush pieces and the fire. We called this playing "Woof". Every time we threw another dead chunk of evergreen on the fire, it made this great woof sound...hence the name. :)

Neighbor Man (T's knight in shining armor, for those of you who don't know) took us out on his boat on Sunday, and I decided I was going to nut up and hop into the tube. After being dragged around the lake for a little while I realized I was stuck. I mean stuck. I motioned for Neighbor Man to stop and the kids started reeling me in. Well, I'd be damned if I was going to let them reel me in and then try to figure out how to rectify the whole beached-whale situation I had gotten myself into. I figured it was probably better for everyone if I just tipped myself on out of the tube and swam it in. Gave me a chance to pick my Uber-Wedgie on the way as well. My suit did not start out as a thong, but apparently it has other ideas of what it wants to be when it grows up...

After tubing, we hit Famous Freddie's in Fox Lake for some much-needed sustenance. Two words: Fried. Twinkie.

That night we (T, Neighbor Man and I) headed out to the McHenry Outdoor Theater to see Grease and Dirty Dancing. Big-time fun...haven't been there in years! And there was a '68 Mustang fastback right by the concession stand. I had this elaborate plan for stealing it, but somehow I cam home 'stang-less.

Sadly, T had to take off on Monday. The rest of the day was spent sitting around on my duff, watching movies with the hubbs, and playing with The Princess.

All in all, I'd have to say this is the most fun I've had in one weekend in a very long time. Those few days at home actually managed to feel like a vacation, and Lord knows how badly I've needed one of those!

Could've Gone Mad

Another day and I could've gone mad
Another day and it might've gotten bad
Another day and I might have betrayed
Every scruple I have

--from Could've Gone Mad by Poe

Those of you who know me...well, you know I'm not usually a negative person. I have no idea what came over me during the last week or so, but I have got to get myself out of this rut. It's just not me.

So from this point forward I'm going to slap a smile on my face and get excited about the upcoming long weekend. Who's with me?

I think I may actually go white-trash it with T and camp out in my back yard on Saturday. Bonfires, s'mores, sleepin' under the stars...certainly can't hurt! Note to self: watch for dog poo.

The fact of the matter is that there's no logical reason for our emotions. My life is damn-near perfect, and I just need to nut up and enjoy it. The Princess won't be this small forever, and I don't want to miss a thing...especially due to any selfish brooding. No need to create problems for everyone around me when everything is really going very well for us, all considered. We both have good jobs, The Hubbs is able to stay home with The Princess, and she is a happy and healthy little kid.

Here we go...bye-bye, negativity! Hellooooo me. Nice to see ya...it's been a while. We should totally get together more often. :)

Finding My Way

"Can someone help me?
I think that I'm lost here...
Lost in a place called America"

That's an excerpt from Wednesday by Tori Amos. I think it does a pretty good job of summarizing (albeit quite vaguely) why I haven't been writing for the past few days.

Last Thursday, The Princess had a very difficult time with Julie...to the point where she just couldn't hang anymore and we had to put her to bed so she could calm herself down. We took the rest of the normal session to discuss the game plan going forward. To continue therapies after The Princes turns 3 there will have to be a diagnosis of some kind, and we've come to terms with that.

On Monday evening my world came tumbling down for no apparent reason, except for the possibility that a few things compounded on top of each other during a planetary alignment while I was standing on my head or some other such cosmic weirdness. What I'm trying to say is that I lost my marbles for no good reason at all.

Everyone tells you it's going to be hard, but that it will be worth it. They tell you the good outweighs the bad. Which is all true. But no one can prepare you for the immense responsibility of making important decisions on behalf of another human being.

I've always been a fairly confident person, but lately I find myself second-guessing every decision I make. What if I'm wrong? What if she finds that out down the line and blames me for messing things up?

This is the kind of stuff that was running through my head, among a million other jumbled thoughts on Monday. The Hubbs took one look at me, asked me what was wrong, and I cried for an hour straight. Gulping, gasping sobs of the type usually reserved for teenaged jilted lovers...I'm surprised he could even understand my mumbled concerns between bone-rattling crying fits. It felt good to say these things out loud - it really did - but I felt awfully silly afterward. I know I couldn't have helped it, but somehow it seems as though I was overreacting in some way.

The thing is that all of this stuff that's going on with The Princess lately is big. No, scratch that, it's huge. And the fact that she can't voice her opinioin terrifies me. I can tell certain things by the look on her face or her demeanor, but all I want is for her to be able to communicate with us. We're starting to make some progress in this area - small, but significant as far as we're concerned.

No matter what, she's my little girl and I love her.

I just wish I was strong enough to be able to look at other moms with their kids who are The Princess's age, without experiencing the piercing jealousy I feel when they interact with each other so effortlessly. I don't want to resent other parents because their kids are having an easy go of it. I don't want to analyze every little thing The Princess does when other kids are around. Or other adults, for that matter. I don't want to look at another kid and be crushed that my little girl simply isn't there yet.

It sounds stupid, I know. But I'm only human. And - if we're being completely honest - I'm feeling a little lost these days, so please bear with me as I attempt to find my way again.