Meltdown

One solid week home from school, and her little tummy seems to have evened out.  The pediatrician gave me a note stating that it was okay for her to return to school, that this tummy bug that's going around seems to be done with my girl's system.

The whole house breathes a collective sigh of relief as we prepare The Princess for her triumphant return to school.

Until we receive another note home - after her very first day back - complaining that she has had the same issue that kept her home in the first place, that is.  The issue that, for some reason, happens at school and not at home.  The issue that I, her momma, have been saying since the beginning must be caused by anxiety or nerves of some kind.  The issue that her doctor attributes to a stomach bug.  The issue that her school nurse wants to attribute to her PICA.  The issue that comes back when she is at school and mysteriously disappears when she's not there, proving that it can't possibly be 100% attributed to either of these things.

The issue that has been discussed so many times in the past two weeks - without ever really discussing anything at all - that I want to pound my head against the wall.  We can all spout our theories until we're blue in the face, but unless each of the involved parties is willing to shut up and listen, even just for a second, not a single effing thing will change.  Why am I the only one who can see this?

My sweet little Princess is home from school again today, and will remain so indefinitely.  Until and unless someone agrees to get off their high horse and listen - for Pete's sake, listen - to me and to each other, I just can't send her back there.

And why the hell do I have to take every note home as some sort of critical attack on The Hubbs and me as parents?  I know I'm stressed with school right now, but I swear if I wasn't thirty freakin' years old, I'd be convinced I was going through menopause.  I can see that I need a major attitude adjustment here, but there's nothing I can seem to do about it at the moment.

With every fiber of my being, I wish I wasn't in school right now.  I wish I wasn't working 40+ hours a week.  I wish with all my might I was home with her, because even though I know things wouldn't be any different, at least I'd feel like I was doing all I could.  Helpless, hopeless, angry, exhausted, embarrassed: these are just a few of the things I'm feeling at the moment.  Logic flew out the window a few miles back...it no longer has a place here.  I wish I could change the way I feel, but I'll be damned if I can figure out where to start.

Who says meltdowns are reserved only for the person in the house who has autism?