Physical Aggression in the Classroom

This is the note I had to type and send off to The Princess's teacher this evening.  It breaks my heart.

***

Hi Mrs. G.,

I saw videos from the music program today, and I'm completely blown away by how far The Princess has come since the last program.  I wish I could have been there, but I'm in San Francisco for work until next Friday...so it was really nice to get the videos that The Hubbs's mom took during the program.

That being said, I am extremely concerned for The Princess's safety.  The Hubbs and his mom both saw Z hit The Princess - hard - twice today.  Z seems to wait until you and the other staff members are otherwise occupied and then she hits The Princess.  The first time was so hard my mother-in-law was absolutely shocked.  You turned to talk to her and The Hubbs , and Z punched The Princess very hard in the chest.  It happened again when everyone was getting ready to leave.  You were occupied with something else, and Z hit The Princess again, this time with an open palm on The Princess's leg.  The Hubbs and my mother-in-law didn't want to cause a scene during the program, but I can't leave this unaddressed.

One of the most concerning aspects of this, to me, is that The Princess didn't react at all.  This tells me that it happens often enough that The Princess is used to it and doesn't see it as being wrong.  This is not okay in any sense of the word.

Being the parent of a nonverbal child like The Princess, The Hubbs and I are extremely vigilant about keeping our eyes on her.  She can't tell us if something hurts or if someone did something to her, and we rely on you and the other classroom staff to be our eyes and ears during the school day. 

We do absolutely everything in our power to keep her out of harm's way at home, but I feel like there's a gap in this vigilance at school.  This academic year alone, The Princess has come home with deep scratches to her face (which have since left scars - the original incident was in October), multiple bruises, bumps, cuts and scrapes.  Each time she comes home with an injury, we seem to receive a similar cryptic note regarding an incident with another student.

After today's events, I have no doubt that the other student has been Z, which I suspected all along.  I have nothing but respect and gratitude for you and your staff, and I know you do the best you can, but I have to insist that The Princess and Z be separated immediately.  I simply cannot stand by and allow this treatment/behavior to continue. 

The Princess has made amazing progress in the three years since she started in your program, and I think we would both agree that this is largely due to the fact that we - her parents - and you - her support team - have always been on the same page.  It's taken four and a half years, but she is now completely potty-trained.  Things take a long time for her to learn, but once they're ingrained, she has a memory like a steel trap.  I'm afraid that Z's behavior is teaching The Princess that volatility and violence are acceptable, and this is the exact opposite of what we are teaching and enforcing at home.

We've all worked too hard to get The Princess where she is today to see any regression or bad habits come out of inconsistency at school.  Like I said, I'm concerned for her safety at this point.  I cannot allow her to continue to be in the same classroom with a child who is physically abusive toward her.

Please let me know what can be done to solve this issue.  The Hubbs and I are prepared to keep The Princess home in the interim if needed, and I'll be happy to talk to whoever I need to talk to at the special education district or the local school district.  I just can't have my baby bullied. I hope you understand.

Thanks for your time,
Amy

Celebration: A Day (Mostly) In Pictures

In case you missed it, The Princess just turned six years old on the 11th of this month.  Since she was a wee one, she has not been able to deal with crowds, noise or parties in general.  Because of this, the last birthday party with more than five people in attendance was when she turned one.

Lately, though, The Princess has been showing off her developing self-calming skills and an amazing ability to cope with - and even, in some cases, enjoy - family parties.  Feeling adventurous, I decided a couple of months ago that we'd throw her a big party for her sixth birthday.

The party was this past Saturday, less than 24 hours after I stepped off a plane after spending the week working in San Francisco.  The festivities took place at Nana's house, where she and Auntie J absolutely knocked it out of the park.  Their parties are always amazing, and I have to say I am so thankful to the two of them for pulling this together for me.  I never, ever would have been able to do this without them...and not just because we live in an 800 square foot house!

We had about 20 people there, and The Princess did amazingly well.  She retreated to quiet spaces a few times, but for the most part she was involved in the party.  Running full tilt back and forth across the great room counts as being involved, right?  Right.  It's her party.  She can run if she wants to.

The theme was polka dots, and Nana and Auntie J found some amazingly adorable stuff.  Without further ado, here are a few of my favorite pictures:

The party room, including some of the coasters I crocheted (my contribution to the polka dot decorations).  The Princess's cousin K had fun running around and matching all the colors.

One of the lovely tables, decorated with polka dot whirly flowers, polka dot runners (handmade by my wonderful MIL and SIL), squiggly balls, Skittles, Smarties and Gummi Worms.  Oh, and some of my coasters, too.

I loved the whirly flowers.  What a cute idea for centerpieces!  You can also see the paper lanterns hanging from the chandelier in the background.  These gals are so clever.

Auntie J asked me eons ago for pictures - she had seen an idea online of putting up a banner of the birthday girl at all ages up until now, and I loved the idea.  Of course, I totally spaced on the pictures and completely forgot about it until I got there to see she had gone ahead with pics she already had.  Thank you, doll.  This is something I will cherish forever.

The dessert table: Oreos and Rice Krispy treats on the left, and homemade German Chocolate cake and yellow cake with cream cheese frosting (my contributions) on the right.  I love to bake, and I make everything from scratch because of my extremely inconvenient soy allergy.  It's nice to b able to share some of this stuff with more than just my little crew.

 

Loot pile!  She made out like a bandit.  Check out the fabulous polka dot birthday banner.

And here we are ripping into the presents.  This particular gift is from a beloved great auntie and great uncle, and it's a super-cool kid friendly MP3 player with an internal speaker and headphones.  The Princess smiles when I start the music and put the headphones on her, but she doesn't leave them on very long yet.  We'll work on using this a few minutes a day until she gets used to it.  I'm hoping it will join the ever-growing ranks of self-calming techniques she has begun to collect...and it would fit nicely in my purse!

I just had to include this one...from another beloved great auntie and uncle, she received a Fisher Price remote control and a V-Tech phone.  Both have buttons that light up and play music when pushed.  She is in love.

Singing to our girl.  I have to admit I got a little emotional here.  In the past, we've always sung Happy Birthday in our whisper voices.  This year, there were about 20 of us, and we sang at a normal volume.  She clapped with the rest of us and ran around for the rest of the afternoon singing the melody until we left to go home.

Another first: blowing out her birthday candles.  She has just learned how to blow within the last couple of months.  We brought out the cake, showed her what to do, and she did it.  Did you hear me?  She did it.  That last candle?  She blew it out all by herself.

Who doesn't love cake?

The four cousins.  From left to right, it's E, A, K and C (The Princess).  I just realized that if we were to put them in order from oldest to youngest, their initials would spell CAKE.  And, again, who doesn't love CAKE?

I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of this little girl.  She did an amazing job at her birthday party, and I absolutely adore the fact that she is feeling more and more comfortable at these family gatherings.

Thanks again to Nana and J for pulling this together for me.  I owe you, ladies.

And, Pop?  Thanks for taking over my camera so I could be in the action. 

Cousin E's Birthday Party

Where does the time go?

I can hardly believe it's been a year since our beautiful goddaughter, E, was born.  Okay, well, it'll be a year tomorrow, but her party was this Saturday.

This generation of girls, with The Princess being the oldest and E the youngest (so far), well...they amaze me.  I love seeing how they interact with each other and assert their independence in their own little ways.  It seems like their personalities are ingrained almost from day one, and it really is a joy to sit back and observe them.

E, the Birthday Girl, showin' off her bunny ears.

K helping E out with the cake...E really wanted to see what she was doing.

The Princess and Nana

The more of these parties we go to, the more comfortable The Princess is with the huge rowdy group of folks we're lucky to call our family.

And, though I don't like to dwell on the negative, I've kind of felt as though I've been missing out the last few years.  The last big party we had for The Princess was at her own first birthday, for what should be fairly obvious reasons by this point.  I freely admit to my crying jag last year when I realized I wouldn't be able to throw a big party for her fifth birthday.  Five is one of the big milestone years in my family, and it broke my heart that I couldn't have the party, but it was more important to me for her to be comfortable.

Now, seeing how well she is interacting with everyone and self-regulating when she needs to, I'm starting to think there may be hope yet.

That's right.  We're going to have a birthday party this year.  Lord help us.  We'll probably ask everyone to sing in whispers, and she likely won't last more than a minute or two opening gifts, but we're gonna try it.

Here's hopin' there are half as many smiles that day as we saw this weekend.

2012: Looking Back

Looking back over the last year, I can hardly believe the blessings in my life. The Princess's accomplishments alone absolutely amaze me.

Each year, I make a special photo book of all of the things that have happened with our girl, which we give to our families as Christmas gifts. The books follow her progress and growth throughout the year, and there's always a recap at the end, written from her perspective. As I sit here and look back at 2012, marveling at all we've done, nothing seems more appropriate to share with you than this year's book recap:

This was a really big year for me.  Momma and Da are very proud of the things I've accomplished. Some of these things are:

Potty training...I haven't worn a Pull-Up (except at night) in months.

Mimicking...this is the first step toward language, something doctors and other professionals have been watching and hoping for since I was really, really young.  I now mimic many actions, and one of the major things I've learned is how to wave bye-bye.

Following directions...this is a biggie.  One really good example is that I can now walk on the trails at the state park without holding Momma or Da's hand.  With a lot of practice, I've learned to follow simple verbal directions when we are out and about.

Swimming...this is the best part of this whole year, as far as I'm concerned.  This summer, I spent so much time in the water.  Momma and Da worked with me every single day, and by August I could swim from one parent to the other when they stood ten to fifteen feet apart in water that was over my head.

And now comes the sappy.  Nana, grab your tissues.  You know how you get.

If you're reading this, it's because you're very special to me.  I may not speak English on my own yet, but Momma feels confident in telling you that I love you very much.  You accept me for who I am, and I don't think I could ever ask for any more than that.

I am so unbelievably proud of my girl, and I feel so incredibly fortunate to have such a fantastic support system.  Since the going got tough around here a few years ago, so many of you have stepped up and really proven to me how wonderful human beings can be.  I've also found out how selfish and insensitive people can be, but y'all more than make up for that.  I didn't need those other folks, anyway.

One of the things that people said left and right around the time of The Princess's diagnosis was that God never gives us any more than we can handle.  I wrote this off as a canned response parroted by well-meaning people who love us and don't know what else to say.  Now, more than three years after her diagnosis, The Princess shows me every day that this is true.  I can't imagine what my life would be like today without her and her autism.  I've grown in ways I never knew were possible, and I am very proud to stand before you as the person I am today.

I feel truly blessed, and I am looking forward to this coming new year with a glimmer in my eye and hope in my heart.

At the Dinner Table

You don't talk about that at the dinner table.  We don't act like that at the dinner table.  No dogs at the dinner table.  You will sit at the dinner table until you've finished your meal, young lady.

How many times have you heard this in your life?  Be honest. 

Do you want to know what we've never really done at our dinner table?  Eat dinner.

It's always been easier to grab a plate and sit in the living room, chowing in front of the TV, so we never really even thought about it.

A couple of months ago, we had our fall parent-teacher conference.  The Fabulous Mrs. G. and her staff told us all about the great stuff that's been happening at school, and The Hubbs and I marveled at how much The Princess is able to do for herself there.

Home has always been a free zone, a place where she doesn't need to worry about tons of structure.  We've always felt she gets enough of that from the other adults in her life, and we've wanted to provide that sanctuary for her...a special place where she can just be her without worrying about a thing.

Lately, though, it has become apparent that a little structure can go a long way.  We've started making small changes that have had big results, and it's really exciting to witness. 

The  most recent is the fact that all three of us sit down at eat together at the dinner table every night.  The Hubbs and I have found that this simple change has helped us to slow down for a short time each evening, while providing the small amount of structure that seems to help our girl find her center.

She comes into the kitchen, sits in her chair at the end of the table, eats her favorite things first, drinks all of her milk from a big girl glass and proceeds to make a fuss over eating whatever unacceptable crap I've shoved in front of her face.

Just like I did when I was five.

Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes

It's singalong time, y'all.  You all know this one...don't try to deny it.

Ready?

1...2...3...sing it with me!

Head...

..and shoulders...

...knees...

...and toes!

Pay no attention to the state of her room.  We've had more important things to worry about lately, like the fact that The Princess is now mimicking all sorts of fabulous stuff. 

At five-and-a-half years old, my girl has reached a major milestone: one of the first steps toward speech.  I am so proud I could burst.

And I'm having a blast seeing exactly what she'll copy.  There's a lot, and it's totally entertaining.  I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume we should probably start watching what we say.  There's a possibility we may have another speaker in our midst within the foreseeable future.

Halloween Miracle

Tradition in our little yellow house dictates very specific Halloween activities, including trick-or-treating at The Grumps and attending a fabulous party with their neighbors.  Unfortunately, The Grumps were out of town for Halloween this year, so we were on our own.

On the big day, we dressed The Princess in her punk rocker costume - complete with pink hair and a studded dog collar as her belt - and sent her off to school.  When she got home, The Hubbs took her to a local state park to blow off some steam while I finished up my work day.

And then we freshened up her look and headed outside.  We made a face, and she mimicked it.  Right into the camera.

Proud doesn't even begin to describe this moment.  She's looking into the camera.  She's mimicking a face we've made at her seconds before snapping the picture.  She's doing both things AT THE SAME TIME, as the result of an implied request.

I never would have thought it was possible.  Just another example of how much and how often my girl knocks my socks off.

Sick Of Hearing About Pee?

Well, have I got a treat for you!  I'm out of town at the moment for a work retreat, so I'll make this short and sweet.

I talked to The Hubbs yesterday morning.  Apparently, when he walked into The Princess's room to check on her while she was playing on Saturday evening, he found a giant poop in her pink froggy potty.

And, it seems he forgot to put her in her overnight Pull-Ups on Friday and Saturday.  And she was dry.  Both nights.

That is all.

Loved to Hate It

Every week since she turned three, The Princess has brought home a potty chart in her backpack.  This evil little scrap of paper loves to mock all of our efforts, and I love to hate it.

I suppose I should really say, "I loved to hate it."

Why, you may ask?  See for yourself.

That's right.  A perfect record.  It only took two and a half years at school, and - damn it - it was worth every single second of the wait.

Potty Training, Picture Day and the Death of a Dishwasher

Buckle up, folks...this post is gonna be a rambler.  ;)

Since we talked last week, a lot has happened.  We've continued our daily trips to the local state parks, and The Princess continues to love it.

Don't believe me?  Here's your proof:

Go ahead...just try to tell me that's not a happy kid.

She is still a major fan of the stroller rides, and I'm so unbelievably proud of her.  Are you sitting down?  No?  Grab a seat.  I'll wait.

Not only is our girl rockin' the big girl panties every day, but she's decided to take things up a notch.  She now stops what she is doing, gets up, runs to her potty, goes, pulls up her drawers, removes the pee bucket from the pink froggy, and attempts to empty it into the toilet herself.  Without being prompted.  I mean, like, all by herself.

I know.  I almost plotzed the first time it happened.  And the second.  And the third.  I think I'm finally starting to get used to it.

Just shy of five and a half years of wearing diapers every single day...and it was so totally worth the wait.  Sure, it took years of grueling potty training, but when this girl gets something, she gets it.  There are no words for the pride I feel.

***

Thursday was Fall Picture Day at school.  I have a hard time saying that without a snarky little whine creeping into my voice.  Autism + Picture Day = Hell On Wheels for everyone involved.  At least, that's been my experience over the last couple of years.

Unbelievably, this year seems to have been different.  I'll have to reserve my final judgment for after we hear back from her teachers, but it doesn't seem to have thrown her at all.

Five minutes before our alarm was set to go off on Thursday morning, The Princess woke up and started singing.  As we walked into our room, I noticed that her hair looked amazing.  Yes, my girl, the one whose bedhead is epic and can last for days, woke up with not one single hair out of place.

We cruised through our morning routine with no hiccups, The Princess cooperating every step of the way.  She even chose her own outfit for her school picture.

After putting her on the bus with her backpack and an in-case-of-emergency change of pants, The Hubbs and I returned to work.

No phone calls.  No emails.  No panicked correspondence of any kind.  For Picture Day, it was eerily silent.

And then her bus arrived at the end of our driveway.  She greeted us with a smile and a song, still wearing the outfit she had chosen that morning and giving no indication that anything remotely out of the ordinary had happened.

We were warned in advance that this year's pictures would be taken in the gym, and that this can often be unbearable for at least some of the kids in the autism program.  No kidding.  We live with one.  Big, cavernous space + lots of antsy kids + waiting in line and being expected to do specific things = the mother of all meltdowns just waiting to happen.

But there was nothing.  She was happy.  No notes from teachers, aides, therapists.  No worried calls from school nurses.

Nothing at all.

I can't wait to see this picture, y'all.

***

And in totally non-Princess-related news, we've been fighting with our dishwasher for some time now.  We received it as a hand-me-down about six years ago. and I couldn't have been more thankful.  There was no way we could have afforded one at the time, and, hey...it was free. 

Over the last five or so years, I've torn that machine apart more times than I can count.  My momma didn't raise me to be a needy little girly-girl, so I dive head-first into repairs in my own home the way she always has with hers.  Probably a month and a half to two months ago, the dishwasher started acting up again, and I just didn't feel like I had time to check it out.  Fast-forward to September, and The Hubbs and I were just totally O-V-E-R the idea of hand-washing everything.  All meals in our little yellow house are made from scratch, and we do a lot of crock-potting and baking. 

Something needed to be done.

I ripped apart the dishwasher yet again, pulled diagnostic codes from its onboard computer, flipped it on its back, removed and tested all of the electrical components and came to a decision.  The capacitor and pressure switch alone would cost over $100 (plus shipping), and I didn't even know if that would fix the problem or not.  My first attempt - replacing the heating element - didn't do it, so my usually sunny outlook was gaining more than a little cloud cover.  With so many things testing in the bad-to-dead range, I was afraid there was a short somewhere in the machine.

Never one to give up, I called every store in the area that carries dishwashers.  I found one for $224 - brand new - and borrowed Momma's truck.  A few hours later, our new dishwasher was running the first load of dishes, and it does a great job.  In fact, I'm listening to it now.

And, can I just say that I'm feelin' pretty good about myself here?  I'm no helpless girly-girl, for sure, but this is the first time I've done this type of project from start to finish completely on my own.  Between the mechanical, electrical and plumbing aspects of the job, this has inflated my ego just a smidge.

***

All in all, I'd say it was a good week in our little yellow house.  But I can seriously do without any additional appliance weirdness for a while.  Here's hopin' the next week is on the quiet side, and we can have lots of uninterrupted family time.

The Princess and the Pee: Part Two

Whatever you do, don't read this out loud.  She'll hear you, and the spell could be broken.  I hesitate to even type it.

Remember when I told you about how long The Princess has been using diapers of some kind?

And then when I got all excited about our recent potty training efforts and the leaps and bounds our girl has made?

For the last solid week, The Princess has been prancing around her world sans training pants.  Did you hear that?  We're only using Pull-Ups at bedtime now.

She's using the potty consistently, and there's a glint in her eye that says she gets it.  She's proud. 

She even holds it when we're out for a walk at the state park.  For two hours. 

On Saturday, she had her first pit toilet experience (You know, the ones that are like glorified outhouses?  The ones that blow cold air up your butt and look like a 41-lb skinny minny of a thing could fall right in and never make it out?  Mm-hmm.  One of those.). 

She'd been riding in her stroller over some really rough terrain for a couple of miles.  We're talking straight up and down, bumpy stuff...yeah, that's right, we took her all-terrain stroller on the most difficult part of the trails.  And it was awesome.  I can still feel it in my shoulders.

We came up to a potty house, and The Hubbs and I could tell it was going to be pit toilets by the look of it.  The Princess, however, hadn't experienced these things before.  As I ran with her to the potty, she was getting visibly more excited by the moment.  Her bottom was dry, and she was getting antsy.

I opened the door, she took one look around and tried to bolt.  Fortunately, I caught her and was able to explain the situation.  She very cautiously walked around the toilet on all sides, casting suspicious glances into its fragrant depths before looking up at me with one last plea.

"I can tell you have to go potty, Princess," I told her.  "It's either this or have an accident in your pants, because it's going to be a while yet before we get back to the big building where we started."

She thought about this for only a moment before dropping her pants and hoisting her little bottom up onto the tall pot.  The look on her face as the cold air hit her bottom was priceless.

It took a few seconds, but she went.  And went.  And went.

Grinning from ear to ear, she hopped off the pot and pulled up her panties and pants.  She then proceeded to do laps around the toilet in an effort to figure out how to flush.  I did my best to explain that this kind of toilet doesn't have a flusher, and she listened intently.

Finally, she decided that closing the lid would have to do.  Leaving the little outhouse, we skipped back to her daddy, hand in hand, to complete our hike.

If my pride isn't evident through my words, maybe hers will be in this picture.

I am so unbelievably proud of this little girl, and I am once again in awe of how much the little things impact our lives every single day.

After nearly five and a half years of diapers and three to four years of potty training, we've arrived.  I can't imagine any other victory that could be this sweet.

Another Victory

With the exception of a handful of days, we've been swimming every single day this summer.  Living a couple of blocks off the lake has turned out to be our saving grace this year.  The Princess couldn't be happier than when she's in the water, and The Hubbs and I have come to depend upon it as well.

Our plans for Labor Day weekend included one thing: swimming.  We wanted nothing more than to see how many hours we could spend at the lake over these last four days.

And then...

On Friday afternoon, we were at our neighborhood beach for about ten minutes or so before a guy came by on his boat telling us that he had received an email saying that the lake had been closed due to a bloom of blue-green algae that can be harmful to people.

We got out of the lake and went home, showering thoroughly to avoid any adverse effects.  Checking the all-knowing Internet, our fears were confirmed: the lake was closed until further notice.

This is how we had planned to spend the long weekend:

Instead, we had to come up with alternatives.  There were quite a few hits and quite a few misses along the way, but one alternative afternoon activity just kills me.

On Sunday, our girl was restless.  She saw me outside watering my flowers and began to fuss.  I called inside to The Hubbs, and we decided it would be a good idea to let her play in the sprinkler.  She came out in her favorite ruffle-bottom bathing suit and had an absolute blast.

Our front yard is fenced in, so it's pretty great for our purposes.  We let The Princess have her fun where we could keep an eye on her from the living room.  Every couple of minutes, we'd see our girl grinning and running through the sprinkler, happily stimmy-fliddling little droplets of water.

And then...

The Hubbs peeked out the front window and exclaimed, "What the...?"

Well, naturally, I had to get up to see what was going on.  And, boy, am I glad I did.

Stepping out onto our front stoop, I took in the view.  The ruffly bottom of our girl's swim suit was lying discarded near the sprinkler, and she was streaking across the front yard and cackling at the top of her lungs.

Once we wrangled the streaker, we noticed something else was awry.

Mm-hmm.

The only question at that point was: where is it?

I took her inside, plopped her on the pink froggy potty to finish her business, cleaned up her little bottom, and got her set up with a new pair of panties and a Pull-Up.  Leaving her with The Hubbs, I took a strip of TP out into the front yard to commence my search.

There it was, not far from where we caught her running, smack in the middle of the front yard.  As I bent down to pick it up, this whole situation struck me as the funniest thing I'd ever heard.

I mean, here we are, trying so very hard to potty-train our girl.  Each day, we celebrate tiny little victories like thinking to pull our pants down when we have to go.

Really, what was so wrong with this?  In the middle of the front yard, in full view of the road and all of our neighbors, our little girl dropped trou and pooped.  Because she had to.

It's all in our perception, y'all.  This could have been a hugely negative experience for some people, but me...I prefer to see it as another victory.

Oh, and P.S.  Her doggies are very proud of her.  They've decided she's finally worthy of the title Bulldog In Training.

The Princess and the Pee

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named The Princess.  She was super-sweet and unbelievably adorable, and she was diagnosed with autism at a very young age.

By the age of five, she was nonverbal and still wearing Pull-Ups.  Her momma and da knew it would be hard, but they were beginning to burn out on this whole potty training business after starting it when The Princess was about two years old.

And then one day, something clicked.  Momma put a pair of panties on under The Princess's Pull-Up, and she finally started to get it.  She still had accidents, but not nearly as many as before, and she seemed to be getting better and better as time went on.

This made her momma and da very happy.

Kindergarten started - The Princess's third year in school, if you can believe it - and she kept improving.  The Fabulous Mrs. G. didn't send home any wet pants or notes regarding misbehavior in the first two weeks.  In fact, the only note that she did send said that The Princess had taken herself to the bathroom twice during the school day, without any modeling, prompting or coaching from any of the staff members in the room.

Things were looking up.

Then, twice in one week, The Princess pooped in her little pink froggy potty.

And everyone lived happily ever after.  The end.

Who's Counting?

5 years, 3 months, 27 days: this is the current running count of how long we've been using diapers of some sort in this house.

1: this is the number of children in this house.

10: this is about the average number of diaper-type contraptions she's gone through on a daily basis for the last 5 years, 3 months, 27 days.

Some days, it gets so frustrating I could just scream.  There are those days when it seems like every time I turn around, she's wet.  No matter how many times she sits on her pink froggy potty (with this cute little face that mocks me relentlessly), she just can't seem to make it happen.

And then there are other days.  It's like a switch; we're going to have a good day or a bad day.  There is no in between.  Typically, the stellar days are followed immediately by the rip-your-hair-out fests that leave us all exhausted by dinner time.

We have a budget for Pull-Ups, which we routinely break, but somehow I just can't bring myself to raise that number.

44: the number of generic potty training pants in a package that should last us two weeks in between paychecks.

13: the number of generic potty training pants remaining after less than one full week.

These were the numbers running through my head as The Hubbs and I discussed where the extra "dipe money" was going to come from last week (for those of you who are interested, we raided our gas fund).

Something has got to give.  The Fabulous Mrs. G insisted at the end of last school year that our girl had no need for Pull-Ups at school anymore.  We didn't understand how.  Home has always been different somehow.  Home is the land of regression and slipping effortlessly into old habits.

We've tried everything at one point or another.  Everything. 

Somehow, it seems like we consistently try things too early, and if we have the presence of mind to revisit them at a later date, we're nearly always pleasantly surprised.

And that's the phase I'm in right now: pleasantly surprised.

4: the number of days our girl has been wearing panties (under her generic potty pants)

3: the average number of soiled panties/dipes per day since we started this time

3: the number of dry nights in a row, including last night

I'm aware of the fact that these things ebb and flow (pardon the pun), and that I just need to roll with it.  I'm aware of the fact that The Princess is not any of the other kids I know who were potty-trained at lightning speed during any part of almost four years we've been working on this skill in our little yellow house.  I'm aware of the possibility that typing this all out loud could very well invite a hair-pulling bad day back in where things have been going so well.

I'm aware of all these things, but I just had to share this with you.  Why?  Because I really think you'll understand.  Because, even though things are going well, sometimes it's easy to dwell on the negative. 

Because, without sitting down and putting this into words, I wouldn't be able to see the biggest number clearly.

5 years, 3 months, 27 days: this is the running count of how long I've been a momma, the running count of time since my world changed forever.  This is the running count of my new life, of time elapsed at the most important and fulfilling job I'll ever have.

But who's counting?

Proud

Family picture: Easter 2012

The Princess absolutely loves Nana and Grampy's hill.

Don't believe what I said above?  Here's more proof.  :)

You should have seen her, y'all.  My girl, the one who would scarcely make more than a second's eye contact a mere eighteen months ago, flaunted her advancing social skills all over the place on Sunday.

She ran and played with her cousin.

She ran and played with her daddy.

She ran and played with me.

She approached her great aunt and numerous other grown-up family members without prompting, made eye contact, and engaged them in interactions too numerous to count.

She showered us all in smiles and giggles.  The audio from one of the video clips just kills me.  She cackles, sings and squeaks.  She and her cousin scream together in glee as they fly down the hill with Auntie G.

Sure, she spent a good amount of time in her quiet room, but - dammit - The Princess gets better and better at being around our huge, rowdy family every time we get together.

I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of her.

IEP Fun

Yesterday was our annual IEP meeting, which fell at the perfect time for a much-needed day off from work.  The Hubbs and I sent The Princess off to school and busied ourselves getting ready for our 10:00 meeting with her team.

Now, I have to say that we are extremely fortunate.  I know I don't say it enough, but our girl has been blessed with a team of professionals who genuinely care for and about her, and everyone in that room is 100% on her side during every one of these meetings.  So many times when I read or hear about an IEP, the parents are fraught with worry and concerns for the wellbeing of their children.  I am so very thankful for The Fabulous Mrs. G. and the team of professionals that work with the kids in The Princess's class.

As expected, this meeting went very smoothly.  Our girl has met or exceeded four of her six goals from our last evaluation.  She is showing gigantic amounts of progress in many areas, including her ability to follow directions.  The team is very impressed - as are we - with The Princess's ability to retain multiple melodies, and we're all going to work on adding to her repertoire of songs as well as general imitation.

Since The Princess is turning five next month, she'll be entering kindergarten when the next school year starts.  This was one of my concerns going into the meeting; I wasn't sure if she'd be with her same team, or even in the same school.  Since everything is done through the county's special education district, the programs are spread around the area.  The program she's currently enrolled in is called Pre-K Pals, so I was a bit worried about what would happen when kindergarten started.

I needn't have worried.  We've been assured that she will remain in Mrs. G.'s class at least through kindergarten.  After that, she may move across the hall into Miss A.'s class with some of the older members of the autism program.  The bonus to this is that Miss A. is her summer school teacher, so we're not looking at a complete upheaval of The Princess's routine or team anytime soon.

So, I'd like to take this time to send up a quick prayer of thanks.  It's nice to know that The Princess is looked out for, and I wouldn't trade any one of these guardian angels for all the chocolate in Fannie Mae.

Rambling

Wow.  It's been a while, I know.  Grab yourself a cup of tea - don't worry about me; I've already got one - and let's sit down and chat.

How've you been?  Sorry for being MIA for so long.  A lot has happened around here, and I'm not really sure where to even begin. 

(Buckle your seat belts, folks...here comes a rambling post in which I'll try to catch y'all up on everything at once, and we all know how well that usually works out!)

The Grumps went a little nutso for Christmas and spent too much money on The Princess.  Big surprise, I know.  This year, her present from them involved a trip to the Stride Rite store for new shoes.  Her previous pair of Stride Rites had lasted what seemed like forever, and the Velcro was wearing out, so we had to bite the bullet and get a new pair.  Which she wore a hole in - I'm talking through the rubber and the underlying leather - in just under two months.  Yep.  That's my girl!  This resulted in a funny letter home from The Fabulous Mrs. G., followed by an evening trip to WalMart for a new pair of $10 Garanimals sneakers.  If she's causing blowouts in her shoes that quickly, I'd rather chew on shards of broken glass than continue to pay Stride Rite's prices.

Grumpa.  Oy.  Grumpa.  For those of you who come here to read all about The Princess and nothing but The Princess, you may not be aware of the fact that my pop had a pretty major heart attack eight years ago, at the ripe-old age of forty-seven.  On February 2, he went in for an angiogram and ended up being admitted to the hospital where I work.  On February 3, he had triple bypass surgery.  He was in the hospital for a grand total of nine days before being released into Gumma's care at home.  This past Thursday, he had his first follow-up doctor visit, and everything looks good.

This past week, I got a promotion at work...yippee!  I'm still lovin' the concierge gig, and I sincerely hope it lasts a good, long time.

On January 22, my beautiful, sweet, hilarious sister-in-law (affectionately referred to as Jello in our little yellow house) gave birth to an amazing little girl.  JAKE (Jello's whole family...their acronym is way better than ours - if you put all our initials together, the best you come up with is SCABS) came in to visit from Ohio this weekend, and The Hubbs and I were really, really looking forward to meeting little E and hanging out with our beloved K-Bear.  Unfortunately, The Princess is a bit under the weather, so we were unable to see them after all.  On the bright side, it sounds like they will be back in about a month for E's baptism and Jello's and my combined birthday party.  If anyone is sick that weekend, we're throwing them in a bubble and calling it a day.

On January 31, my ex-work-hubby and his beautiful wife welcomed their first child, a beautiful baby boy.  This is the dude who kept me sane at the end of my tenure at my previous job, when things got hairy.  We don't see each other much (in fact, the last time we all got together in real life was in June of last year), but these people are family.  R, D, and Junior, The Hubbo Family couldn't be more excited for you.

And now, the subject you've all been waiting for...I just know it: The Princess.  Our girl is still the most amazing little person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.  Not an hour goes by that doesn't involve her doing something that astonishes me.  Case in point: the hour-long snuggle earlier today.  My little introvert is coming out of her shell.  Sure, she still spends an inordinate amount of time in her room, but she now makes a point of coming out into the living room every so often, initiating eye contact with either me or The Hubbs, and climbing into one of our laps. 

There are so many other things I want to tell you about our girl, about the progress she is making and about the ways she warms my heart, but my teacup is woefully empty.  And this can only mean one thing: time for bed.

Before we part ways, dear friends, I promise you I'll start trying to post more regularly.  Please note the operative word in that promise: try.

In the mean time, say hello to your families for me...and don't forget to turn off your computers and cell phones every once in a while to spend some precious time together.

Today is the Day...and I Done

Graduation is tonight!

*

A few nights ago, The Princess came into the living room holding an unidentifiable object. When I asked to see what she had, she brought it to me and immediately handed it over.

Upon closer inspection, the object revealed itself as a completely harmless piece of paper. As soon as I realized this, I returned it to The Princess.

She took it for a split second, smiled, and handed it back while looking me in the eye.

And then she said, "I done."

And she walked away as though this is nothing out of the ordinary.

Me? I'm still trying to catch my breath.

1...and Story Time

One more day until graduation.

*

The Princess is four and a half years old.  She does not speak.  She will stim all day if you let her.  She rarely (if ever, depending upon who you are) responds to verbal requests, though this particular point is getting better on a daily basis for those closest to her.  She has sensory issues.  The littlest thing can set her off.  Try as I might, I can rarely figure out what triggers her meltdowns.  All I can do is hold her and soothe her the best I can.

All of the autism stuff aside, this has got to be the most generally happy kid I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, and I consider myself lucky as hell that God chose me to be her momma.  I feel blessed every day for what I have with her, her daddy, and our splendiferous pooches.

But my heart breaks a little every day, too.  Other moms of four-and-a-half-year-olds are taking them to see Santa at the mall, having their pictures taken with their smiling faces reflected perfectly in the camera lens.  These other little ones are writing their names and holding amazing conversations.  They sit quietly in their rooms and read, because they want to.

The Princess couldn't possibly understand an abstract concept like Santa Claus.  She can't tell anyone what she wants for Christmas, because she doesn't speak.  She also has no interest in television or most other things that are marketed for kids her age, so it's a moot point, anyway.  Taking a picture with a stranger in a loud, hot, crowded mall?  Forget about it.  Writing?  Not yet.  We're still in the I'd-rather-eat-crayons-than-draw-on-the-paper stage.  Conversations?  I'd be happy with the ability to say yes and no.  Hell, I don't even care if it's verbal.  Shaking or nodding her head would be the coolest thing in the history of the world.  Reading?  More like tearing the pages out of books and stimming to her heart's content with the scraps.

Our girl has received many books, as most little ones do.  The difference between her and these other kids is that she doesn't seem to understand what books are all about.  After a few misguided attempts to let her figure them out, the surviving volumes have been moved to a safer place, out of her reach and - largely - out of our minds.

The Hubbs and I love to read.  I know a lot of people say this, but we mean it.  When given the option to watch TV or read a book, we'll almost always choose the latter.  Throw on a little bit of classical music and we're good to go for the entire evening.  In case you're interested, we've been playing the heck out of Pandora's Mannheim Steamroller Christmas station lately. 

Sunday evening, The Princess climbed up on the loveseat with me while I was reading, and she snuggled up next to me in the sweetest little hug.  After drinking in her affection for a few minutes, I slipped to the basement where her books are, and I grabbed two choices: the original Winnie the Pooh treasury and Wet Albert. 

I brought both books upstairs and gave her a choice.  She chose Pooh Bear, so I put Wet Albert away for the time being and The Princess, Pooh, and I went into her bedroom.

I read her the entire first short story, one about Piglet and a Heffalump, before bed.  Did she sit still?  No.  Did she hang on every word?  No.  But she paid attention in her way.  She spent those 20 or so minutes in constant contact with me, climbing all over me as I read her the story.  From time to time, I asked what she thought, and she mumbled back at me.  Not in English, but hey...I'll take what I can get.  I stopped a couple of times to either rearrange myself or take a breath, and she went forehead-to-forehead with me until I started again.

She loved it.

I loved it.

Finally.  She's four and a half, and I can finally have story time with my daughter.

3...and the Potty

Three days until graduation.

*

So many things happened this weekend, I don't really even know where to start.  I guess I'll just start at the beginning and split into separate posts for each accomplishment.

Really.  They're all that big.

Well, here goes.

After work on Friday, I looked at The Princess and asked her if she had to go potty.  I wasn't expecting any more of a reaction than simple eye contact.  I'm not new here.  I know how this goes.

Not only did I receive the expected eye contact, but she also smiled, walked across the room, pulled her pants down, sat on her pink froggy potty, and went.

For those of you who may be missing the magnitude of this event, let me spell it out a little more clearly for you.

My girl followed a verbal request.  My girl.  Verbal.  No coaxing.  No leading.  No modeling.  I asked her something, she immediately understood, and she did it.

Now, going on past experience, I'm well aware of the fact that these breakthroughs can sometimes be a shot in the dark.  Some people call them "Elvis sightings," a term with which I am in love.  It's the perfect explanation.  You never know when or where they're going to happen, but when they do, it's amazing.  And you never know if they'll happen again.  Like, ever.

Let me just reassure you here: this was no Elvis sighting.  By Sunday, she was pulling her pants down and walking to the potty herself when she had to go.  Okay, so the sequence is something we have to work on.  We don't want her letting the cat out in public to show she has to go potty, but, hey...this is progress.

Baby steps, y'all.  Gigantic, wonderful baby steps.